


what not to pack

by spikeymarshmallows



Series: two boys emerging from shadowed hallways [13]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Banter, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Idiots in Love, M/M, Sibling Incest, TikTok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:28:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24549163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spikeymarshmallows/pseuds/spikeymarshmallows
Summary: Diego had only just set his keys and wallet down on the table beside the front door when his phone started vibrating."What did you forget?" Diego answered with.Klaus squawked indignantly. "Diego, I'm offended! Maybe I was calling you to say I missed you already!"*You'd think that given all the travelling Klaus does, he'd remember the TSA rules a little better.
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves
Series: two boys emerging from shadowed hallways [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1695337
Comments: 13
Kudos: 156





	what not to pack

Diego had only just set his keys and wallet down on the table beside the front door when his phone started vibrating. A ridiculous photo of Klaus came up on the screen; it _had_ been a particularly nice photo of Klaus from their honeymoon until Klaus had apparently stolen his phone some time since he'd been back in the country and replaced it with whatever monstrosity this was. Diego shook his head at the picture and made a mental note to not tell Klaus his passcode again.

"What did you forget?" Diego answered with.

Klaus squawked indignantly. " _Diego, I'm offended! Maybe I was calling you to say I missed you already!_ "

"Uh huh. What was it? You can buy a toothbrush in LA; last I heard, they have them."

" _I mean, you don't know that for sure,_ " Klaus said, pout evident through his tone.

"C'mon. Out with it. I just got home."

" _Well,_ " Klaus said, dragging the word out, " _technically I didn't forget anything so much as packed something I shouldn't._ "

Diego sighed heavily and took a mouthful of the coffee he'd bought on the way home.

" _Can you pretty please come and get it for me?_ "

"What… What did you pack?" He now knew from experience that, ahem, adult items wouldn't set off any alarms—at least, nothing that Klaus packed. He couldn't think of what it could be.

" _Oh, just my Lush R &B hair stuff._"

"Seriously? Liquids? How many flights have you taken this year, alone?" Diego rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger.

Klaus made a weird sound. " _Oh. Yeah. By the way, I'm shrugging. Realised you couldn't see that._ "

"Yippee."

" _Don't be mad! I was packing in a rush and I didn't think!_ "

"Well," Diego huffed, "maybe if you didn't pack at the last minute—"

" _Well, maybe if you didn't,_ " Klaus started, high-pitched and mimicking Diego terribly before reverting to his normal voice. " _Yeah, well, maybe if you didn't have such nice abs, I wouldn't have been so distracted this morning. I'm the victim in this, Diego!_ "

Yeah, no, Diego was _not_ taking the blame for this one. That said, it wasn't like he was disappointed with that morning's events and Klaus' obsession with his abs. Diego hummed. "What was that about wanting me to come and pick up your Lush stuff?"

" _Please, please, please, Daddy. You know I love you. There wasn't enough time to check my bag, and it's my favourite, and I don't want to throw it out._ "

"Ugh, don't call me that, you know I hate it."

Klaus cackled wickedly over the line.

"It's like you don't _want_ me to come and get your stuff."

Klaus made a sound like a kicked puppy. " _Aww, no, Diego—"_

"Fine," Diego sighed, although he'd known since the call had come through that he'd be on his way back to the airport, no matter what it was that Klaus had forgotten.

" _Yay! Thank you. I love you,_ " Klaus said, dragging out his vowels. " _I left it in those bushes just outside security, you know, where all the seats are._ "

"You left it there?"

" _Well, I knew you'd come and get it for me,_ " Klaus said impishly.

Diego grumbled as he shoved his wallet in his pocket.

" _Also, Ben says that you're whipped and I'm a terrible person,_ " Klaus added.

"I already knew both of those things," Diego muttered.

" _I'll send you some nice pictures as a thank you,_ " Klaus teased.

"Yeah, yeah. See to it that you do."

" _Love you, baby,_ " Klaus said gleefully.

"Yeah, yeah. Love you too."

" _Oop, gotta go catch my flight now! Bye!_ "

_  
_

Diego swore to god, if he didn't get nominated with "Best Husband of the Year", he was going to withhold Klaus' orgasms for a week. Actually, no, he wasn't. Okay, correction: if he didn't get nominated, he was going to make Klaus come so many times that he'd cry.

At the very least, he deserved a 'thank you' blowjob. Maybe two.

That was the worst thing Diego had ever done. There had been a family sitting in front of the stupid bushes. He'd had to put a hoodie on over his uniform so it didn't look like he was there to find a bomb or something stupid.

It had been so fucking shady.

He felt like a creep, just… fucking… digging around in shrubbery for a black container shoved in a paper bag.

He bought himself another coffee because he deserved it.

Eventually, he made it back to the car, muttering under his breath the entire time. He glared at the stupid black tub. It was mocking him. Seriously, what was the big deal with this shit anyway? Klaus swore by it, and every trip back to Lush to buy another tub resulted in at least an hour of the day and three figures from their bank account disappearing.

The glitter that covered Klaus after such visits was really just the fuckin' cherry on top.

Diego snatched up the tub, opening it, half expecting to see literal liquid gold. Nope. Just cream. He sniffed it. Actually, it smelled really good.

It smelt like Klaus. Despite himself, he found himself smiling. Klaus annoyed him to no end, but that didn't mean Diego didn't miss him like crazy every time he went away for work, which was more weeks of the year than not.

He poked at the creamy mess inside, and rubbed some into his fingers before running it through his hair. Actually, that was kinda nice.

He inspected himself in the rearview mirror, finger combing his hair to get it looking good, before taking a selfie with the tub and sending it off to Klaus with the text: _If you think you're getting this back, you're wrong._

He grinned as he imagined the outraged call he'd get in a few hours, and started the car.

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, I officially submitted my thesis today and I lowkey wanna cry and not for any good reasons so HERE. HAVE SOME RIDICULOUS FIC. 
> 
> 10000% based off this [tiktok](https://www.tiktok.com/@ghosthoney/video/6690204893912763654). Also, I am not even on TikTok but I spent about 2 hours looking at this guys TikTok and going "oh my god, this is Klaus. This is Klaus." So uh. Do yourself a favour and lean into his beautifully chaotic bizarre energy and enjoy yourself. 
> 
> [Also, yes, the post-OD fic is coming. But... I have three others to prioritise and they're both already 5k+ so... soz]


End file.
